March 11th, 2010 - 8:32PM

He isn't on. He isn't on. He isn't on.
Why isn't he on?
I thought he said he was going to be on today...
He even asked if I was going to be on, and if I wanted to talk.
I'm getting impatient.
We just had a fight, I don't need another reason to fight.
No. No. No.
I'm scared. What if something happened, and he can't get on? What if he's mad at me for something? What if he's scared of talking to me?
I'm okay. I already accepted his apology, we should be okay and having a daily conversation by now... Why isn't he on???
...
...
Maybe he finally realized he hates me.
He probably did.
Fuck.
That means I need to find another guy before I get jittery.
But I really don't want to.
But maybe I have to.
...
I really hate my alter-ego sometimes, she's almost always right.
She was right about my last ex, and maybe she's right about this one... I really hope not. I want to keep this one, no matter what everybody tells me. No matter what she tells me. I mean, my mom loves him. My whole family loves him, even the kids. And they mean the world to me, as much as my puppy/son.
...
But he still isn't on... My paranoia is kicking in and it -- HE SENT ME AN IM!!!!!